Abusive Relationship Assessment View Calculator A common pattern of abusive relationships is that many violent, abusive outbursts are followed by apologies and seemingly heartfelt promises to change. The abuser may be very pleasant most of the time, making it a difficult decision to 'break the cycle' and end the relationship. You must first recognize that the situation is abusive if you are going to get help and end the abuse. This assessment is designed for use if you feel that you, personally, may be in an abusive relationship. It is not necessarily a tool to determine if you suspect a family member, friend, or co-worker is being abused at home. (See our Domestic Abuse Victim Assessment for help with someone else's relationship.) Answer these few questions to learn more about the signs of an abusive relationship and help you determine if your relationship may be abusive. Learn more about putting this calculator or other calculators on your website.